Ick.

Man... I am bumming hard today. Not sure what it is (this is me lying to myself... I know what most of it is), but I am sure that its the absolute wrong time to be feeling anti-social. What with eight meetings today and all. I just want to curl up underneath a warm comforter, with a heating pad to keep me warm, a little sun spilling in through my window, and sleep until Friday. It's such a hectic week (explains why I'm writing this, huh?), and I really have no time to enjoy myself. I feel sleep deprived and unmotivated and like an under-achiever. Nothing at work has happened to make me feel this crappy, I just don't like feeling like my life is all about my work. That's not how I see myself. I like fun and creativity and bright colors and relaxation and music and pillows and flowers and I'm just not getting that vibe today.

I feel lethargic and unenergetic. I don't want to smile or play or goof around. I miss AP, I think that's a big part of it. Having someone to love in your life makes everything amazing. But being far away from them takes everything down a notch. I know this is all temporary, but damn, I wish it was a shorter distance and a shorter time.

We put an offer down on an amazing apartment for the sister and I this weekend. We were so excited and loved it and spent the weekend glazed over with a newfound sense of independence, excitement, and anxiety (in the best sense of the word). Since we're Chicago novices, however, we came to discover that the area is so-so, semi-dangerous, which did not fly with the parents, and that new construction opens up an entirely new can of worms with lenders. So, in conclusion, the deal has been all but thwarted and I'm back to the drawing board, still shackled to my four-hour-a-day commute. It certainly is not making me feel any better. But, this is a very serious decision, a huge investment, and should be made slowly and surely. I just wish something would happen with ease, for once. Although I have learned this is a silly request to make.

I'm excited for this weekend. I have some fun plans. I just need to crawl out of this pathetic, life-loathing hole I've made for myself lately. Things are not bad at all. They just aren't as igniting as I'd like them to be. I need a change and some excitement and a life outside of work and travel, for God's sake!

I have ten minutes until my meeting and even my favorite blogs aren't cheering me up. They're highlighting, in neon colors of all sorts, all the things I love and can't have right now. Things will improve soon, it's probably just one of those annoying, self-pitying days that everyone has, but how I hate them. They are so yucky and make you feel much the same.

Regardless, I'm off to my meetings, hoping tomorrow will be better.

Your lame friend,
A